Thursday, September 29, 2005

Its a wonder that museums don't use babies as part of their security systems. The tiniest change in the environment - sound, heat, touch, smell - and they are screaming. The littlest puppy, Galbobwooflette, is teething. The high cheek bones, slight chubbiness and minimal teeth make her look a bit like a toy troll, her being bit on the mad side as well. 2.30am we
have an awakening and despite the meaured and calm entreaties of yours truly to "let her calm herself down" the mother is insistent that we pick her up. Pick her up, calm her, put her down, back to bed... scream. Repeat until brain dead. Number one puppy, Thombobwoof, joins in the fun as he now can't sleep with all the noise.

Its a perfect burglar alarm. Cots in every gallery, monitored by cctv, specially trained midwife/security guards - large crewcut men with walkie talkies and baby monitors. Burglars would have to enlist lactating mothers as the alarm calmers. I'm sure it would help with post natal depression as well as bringing in some useful cash.


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